life is good

for the first time in a long time that's the honest truth.

passive agressive

and I like it.

"starting now, I wish you never came into my world."

success

This is a pretty amazing video I saw on a friend's facebook. It puts things into perspective. When you figure out what you want, you have to ask yourself how bad you want it. What is it worth to you?

"Don't try to quit. You're already in pain, you're already hurt. Get a reward from it. Don't go to sleep until you succeed."

john mayer and boy bands

I'm definitely digging the new song,

not crazy about the hair

Not really sure what that's all about. John Mayer does not = Johnny Depp. Enough said.

Also I am taking advantage of my last few months of being a teenager and am in love with one direction. Don't judge. You know you love british boy bands.

adorable.

its as hard as diamonds, but not quite as sparkly

Making decisions between good things and good things is hard. I think the hardest thing is not looking back and being confident that you made the right decision for you at this moment. It was hard for me to grasp that what was right for me last year is not necessarily right for me now, just because something isn't right for me anymore doesn't mean it never was, life just moves. Things just change. So here's to being decisive (not my strong point) and here goes not looking back. Wish me luck.

What I love.

You know what I love? When you have guys who are friends who love to hug, and they hug you tight and pick you up and spin you around, and you have to hold on really tight.
It makes me smile.

a summation.

Yesterday in art history we were learning about early Roman Republic art, and how they shifted from the "ideal" of Greek art and propaganda, to showing their leaders as more "real". Instead of idealized youthful faces they portrayed their leaders as they actually were, their sculpture shows wrinkles, scars, etc. This idea stuck with me: You are a summation of your experiences.

I found this in my journal, I wrote it last summer. I tend to be obsessed with this idea that everything bad that has ever happened to me has gotten me to where I am, that I have to give credit to those bad things as well as the good things. Don't read too much into it, and if you're going to judge please just stop reading now.

Still here? Okay, here you go, take a peek inside my soul:

I am a product of separation. A direct result of kind souls and people who weren't afraid to do what they had to do; or people who were afraid - but did it anyways. I am a product of races won, scholarships granted, and dreams achieved. I am also the result of failure thrust upon and reality recognized. I am the child of harsh words and actions, of tears, of "toughen up". I'm a mixture of compassion, of girls' camp, of strawberry jam and EFY. I am the epitome of reluctance, hesitation, and regret. Of words read and listened to. Of sentences written. Of smiles directed at no where in particular.